Ophiuchus Shmoffeeyoukuss

If you're like me (and I know I am), you struggle through life, trying to make sense of the occasional cluster-bombs thrown at you on the roller coaster fun ride we call "Life". This has been the struggle of Humankind since Eve, who, feeling justly indignant for being thrown out of the Garden for a mere taste of the apple, decided to take things into her own hands and turn tragedy into a really good apple pie - something my husband and others I've polled would equate with heaven on earth (especially warm from the oven with a dollop of Ben and Jerry's Vanilla Bean ice cream cuddling up to the first slice).

Control - we all want it - we all make believe we have it. We try to control our children from day one by giving them names that will carry them gallantly or elegantly through life - that perhaps will distinguish them from their peers. This is a bad idea. I know people (I am not kidding here) named April Showers and Snow White. 

We try to control our weight by watching what we eat. By this I mean watching each chocolate chip cookie magically disappear from the shiny black surface of the cookie sheet, not even stopping to rest on the wire rack as it goes through my cookie monster mouth into the depths of a VERY satisfied tummy.

We rely on our religious teachings, hoping our Archbishop knows better than their Pope, or our Rabbi, has a more direct line than their Dalai Lama, or Ganesh, the six limbed Elephant God who is known as the Remover of Obstacles. If we have solid rules, we can have some semblance of control.

Some of us even look to signs and portends, swearing by the I Ching or our daily horoscopes -  and here is where we now start to feel  adrift in the heavens, betrayed by those fickle gas giants and planets that dare to CHANGE THEIR POSITION in the sky!!!

Seems we've all been living a high life of lies because there's a new kid on the block. No not that one.

(Although by now, shouldn't he be calling himself the new MAN on the bloc? Love ya, Joey.)

It's the constellation Ophiuchus (pronounced Off-ee-YOU-kuss) or the Serpent Holder (eeeew)

Almost all of us are now NOT WHO WE WERE - Astrologically speaking. I'm crushed. O Heavens, dost thou condemn the gentle Libra who loves the arts and cross dressing to the Virginal Virgo who longs to clean up after him? Dost the assertive Aries who loves to set people on fire, now drown in the  waters of Pisces who only associate with people who are imaginary?

Woe are we. Confused are we. But wait. How does that change anything?

OK I'm feeling better now. I get it now. Humankind will always be confused because there is no constant. Everything is RELATIVE. HE knew.

And he had the foresight to be born on March 14, one of the few dates that doesn't change sign!!!

Way to go, AL.